Dear Burt

Dear Burt of Burt’s Bees (I’m assuming there’s a real Burt, even if there is no Betty Crocker),

Thank you for creating what may be my favorite product line ever.  Your acne line calmed my skin after years of abuse at the hands of ProActive.  Your afterburn has soothed many a sunburn and currently rests on my reddened shoulders.  And then there’s your chapstick.  The wonders of your chapstick defy my powers to communicate.  I love you, Burt.  I really do.

I love that you strive to make all your products as natural as possible.  I love that you never use sulfates or other environmentally harmful ingredients.  I love that your packaging always includes recycled materials.

With that in mind, I hope you understand that what I’m about to say comes from a place of compassion.

Burt, you really need to work on your lotion line.  I’m not saying the lotions don’t work well; they moisturize beautifully.  For years I had cracked, scaly hands that could frighten away little children, and your hand cream ended my desire to wear gloves at all times.  The problem is that your lotions just don’t smell that great.  Well, maybe the scents are okay, but they’re way too intense.  I may have ambitions to become a suburban hippy someday, but that doesn’t mean I want to smell like a freaking herb garden.

Before you get all defensive and say you have an unscented body cream, let me inform you that your “unscented” claim is a boldfaced lie.  Perhaps you mean it hasn’t had any scents added, but it certainly has a scent.  More like a stench.  How could a 100% natural lotion smell so intensely chemically?  I can use that lotion only when I won’t be around other people for a couple of hours.

Please, just use scents a little less liberally in your regular lotions, and I’ll be one happy girl. Thanks so much.

Probably your biggest fan, although it seems dishonest to say that definitively,

Shaina

P.S. I’m pretty sure you’re the reason I want to keep bees someday.